Goddess Hallucinating

Keep Jesus Out of Washington

2006-04-28T08:28:00.000-07:00

Before I begin this tirade, I would like to make it clear that I have no trouble with Christian’s per se. The love of my life happens to be a Christian as are some of my family members and we coexist quite peacefully.

Having said that I also must add that I am sick to death of all these ‘Good Christians’ that have the attitude of “I’m going to shove Jesus down your throat until you either accept him or choke to death and go to hell.” So what brought this on? Well let me tell you. I received an email a while ago from an online friend regarding the intermixing of church and state. After showing all the illustrations of the Christian symbology woven into governmental buildings and comments by our founding fathers that supposedly proved them to be Christian, it said: “Eighty six percent of Americans believe in God so the other fourteen percent should just shut up.” Now, beyond the fact that I find that to be very offensive and unloving-isn’t Christianity is supposed to preach the LOVE of God?-I have two issues with his email.

The first issue concerns his statistic. Yes, it is probably accurate that 86% of Americans believe in God. HOWEVER, I can guarantee you that not all of them believe in the Christian god and that is the ‘god’ these fanatical fundamentalists want in OUR government and OUR schools. As much as they currently persist in dissolving the already thinning veil between church and state, if a Muslim or Buddhist was elected to the presidency that veil would be rebuilt and fortified with titanium faster than you can say Allah. So, when they speak of wanting religion in our government and schools, they are speaking specifically of the Christian god.

The second issue is one concerning ignorance. Regardless of the Christian Fundamentalist propaganda insisting that this fine country of ours was founded on Christian values the FACTS are that most of the founding fathers were NOT Christians but Deists. Deists believe that there is a Divine creator but she/he does not become involved in the everyday lives of mortals and doesn’t communicate directly with humans via sacred books or any types of revelations. Not only were they not Christians but they were vehemently opposed to intermixing church and state. Don’t believe me? Well, here are a few quotes for you:

Thomas Jefferson

“I have examined all the known superstitions of the world, and I do not find in our particular superstition of Christianity one redeeming feature. They are all alike founded on fables and mythology. Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined and imprisoned. What has been the effect of this coercion? To make one half the world fools and the other half hypocrites; to support roguery and error all over the earth.”

“Christianity...(has become) the most perverted system that ever shone on man. ...Rogueries, absurdities and untruths were perpetrated upon the teachings of Jesus by a large band of dupes and importers led by Paul, the first great corrupter of the teaching of Jesus.”

“The clergy converted the simple teachings of Jesus into an engine for enslaving mankind and adulterated by artificial constructions into a contrivance to filch wealth and power to themselves...these clergy, in fact, constitute the real Anti-Christ.”

Article 11 of the Treaty of Tripoli, written during the Presidency of George Washington and signed by President John Adams states:

“The Government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the Christian tradition.”

Thomas Paine:

”Among the most detestable villains in history, you could not find one worse than Moses. Here is an order, attributed to 'God' to butcher the boys, to massacre the mothers and to debauch and rape the daughters. I would not dare so dishonor my Creator's name by (attaching) it to this filthy book (the Bible).””It is the duty of every true Deist to vindicate the moral justice of God against the evils of the Bible.””Accustom a people to believe that priests and clergy can forgive sins...and you will have sins in abundance.””The Christian church has set up a religion of pomp and revenue in pretended imitation of a person (Jesus) who lived a life of poverty.”

James Madison:

“What influence in fact have Christian ecclesiastical establishments had on civil society? In many instances they have been upholding the thrones of political tyranny. In no instance have they been seen as the guardians of the liberties of the people. Rulers who wished to subvert the public liberty have found in the clergy convenient auxiliaries. A just government, instituted to secure and perpetuate liberty, does not need the clergy.”

“Religion and government will both exist in greater purity, the less they are mixed together.”

Benjamin Franklin:

“As to Jesus of Nazareth, my Opinion of whom you particularly desire, I think the System of Morals and his Religion...has received various corrupting Changes, and I have, with most of the present dissenters in England, some doubts as to his Divinity; tho' it is a question I do not dogmatize upon, having never studied it, and think it needless to busy myself with it now, when I expect soon an opportunity of knowing the Truth with less trouble."
AND, last but not least, the one nation ‘under god’ was not added to the pledge of allegiance until the 1950’s and the words ‘In god we trust’ was consistently used on all US currency until 1956 during the McCarthy witch hunts.

So, to all you Bible thumpers out there, worship your god all you like but keep him out of my government and my children’s education.

The Hunted--The Finale

2006-04-17T10:08:00.000-07:00

She turned away silently, disappearing into the mist that ever accompanied her to that final destination. She offered no invitation as none was needed. She knew he would follow her light footsteps to the stage upon which this denouement would unfold. A different path always leading to the same inevitable destiny and the reminiscences of the pleasure to come aroused him. Death and rebirth in a fury of violent lust, how could he forget such an exquisite experience?

Already fiercely aroused he could not wait to reach the sanctity of her home and grabbed her by her hair, pushing her up against a building. Grinding his body into hers he kissed her with a rough forcefulness and she purred in the back of her throat as a cat thoroughly satisfied with life. Through the constant cycles of death and rebirth this was the only pleasure the Gods and the Fates afforded her and she wasted none of it, voraciously devouring every delicious drop they allowed.

He grabbed her hips and lifted her as he tore at her dress, the cold, coarse brick behind her scraping her flesh. She let loose a long, low howl that raised the hair on the back of his neck when it trailed into a heart wrenching moan of desperate, aching need.

She threw her head back, banging it against the brick, the long, fiery strands of hair clinging to the sweat already beading on her face. She grimaced with the pain that shot through her temples, not despising it, nor fearing the agony to come; pleasure and pain, opposite sides of the same duality, one made all the more intense by the existence of the other. This scene, this act, this moment of unbearable ecstasy, fated to repeat itself throughout lifetimes without end, was also her most intense misery.

“Not here.” She murmured as his mouth moved to her neck. The taste of her, the delicious sticky warmth of the blood raging through her veins was as the ambrosia reserved for those Eternal, the memory of it making him ache with the wanting. He ignored her words and she felt the pressure of his sharp fangs piercing her flesh.

“Not here.” She snarled viciously, thrusting him backwards with a strength that surprised him. “I will not die in some stinking, filthy alley. One would think you’d have figured that out by now.”

Splayed out on the cold pavement he stared up into those emerald eyes that glimmered with indignation, momentarily dumbstruck, before laughing. “One would think. But then, one would think that by now you’d know how much I love a good tussle before I feed.”

With a smirk and an uplifted brow she vanished into the fog as he scrambled to his feet, her laughter lingering behind to taunt him. He chuckled and licked his lips, having managed to squeeze a drop or two of blood from her before she pushed him away. Following her trail into the thick woods surrounding the suburb in which she lived this particular life he once again found an adversary worthy of his great skill. It almost saddened him to know that she would eventually surrender herself to him this night. To lose such an extraordinary woman was a tragedy the Universe should not have to bear regardless of how momentary that loss would be. Yet, the threads of destiny could not be unraveled by anyone. Her cyclical journey through the Valley of the Shadow of Death and beyond was immutable, without end, and out of his control even if he did wish to change it.

The woods thickened as he tracked her, the high branches of the slumbering trees blocking what little light the waning moon afforded. Though the darkness did not blind him as it would one with mortal eyes, still he could not see her shadowed form.

Her laughter floated down from the trees around him, had she climbed into their sheltering branches to throw him off her trail? Poised to climb one of the large oaks the sound of that maddening giggle came at him from another direction; she was no longer in the air, if she ever had been.

He followed her with confident purpose through their primordial playground, flicking his tongue across his fangs, his mouth salivating with anticipation. Several times he lost her and had to pause, silent and still, testing the wind for a hint of her scent or taste. He could feel her laughing at him, though he could not hear or see her; she was pleased with herself for evading him at every turn. Growing ever more frustrated he growled low and deep like a panther on the prowl, his movements as elegant and feline as the sounds rumbling in his throat. His hunger grew exponentially with his frustration and it seemed as though he had not eaten for as many centuries as he had spent chasing her.

Then, a glimpse of her in the misty moonlight, the sound of her giggle caressing his ears and he knew she was his. Within seconds he had her in his grasp, his teeth deep in her flesh as she fought him. Stronger than he expected she nearly loosed herself from his grip twice but he wrapped his arms more tightly around her as they fell to the ground, preventing her escape as she cried a half scream of frenzied pain. He didn’t know when the fighting became something else but before he knew it he had hiked her skirt up and he was thrusting inside of her even as he voraciously fed upon her. Her agonized scream of pain was now intermixed with pleasure as she wrapped her legs around him.

He thrust harder as her blood flooded his mouth and caressed his tongue and his vision began to swim as the world began spinning frantically around him. He felt her weaken even as her nails scarred his back as she valiantly continued to fight for her life. He was nearly passing out from the pleasure of it all when suddenly she threw him off of her, though he knew not how she had the strength as he had nearly drained her.

“Centuries! For centuries I have endured this farce of a life. Thousands of times I have died at your hands.” She snarled, throwing him down and straddling him, pinning him to the cold ground, her eyes boring into his with a rage he had never known, not even within himself.

“No more will I lie back and let you take my life! I will have my way with you!” She screamed, pushing herself onto him as she lowered her mouth to his neck. “Tonight, I will take life from you. Eternal life!”

He screamed as her teeth bit into his flesh and she drank. Desperately he tried to fight; this was not supposed to be! For thousands of years they had played this game, always with the same end, how dare she try to take his victory from him! Futilely he tried to thrust her off of him, yet she possessed a strength born of the sheer determination to survive and as she fed from his blood he felt himself weaken, dizzy, as she sapped his strength. He kicked her, scratched at her face but nothing could force her mouth from his neck as she voraciously swallowed the blood needed to snatch eternal life from the jaws of the fates so cruel.

She convulsed and fell away from him, her transformation already beginning. Mercifully he was free, but too weak to take advantage of that liberation. Anger broke over him, a wave of rage that fueled what little strength he had left. He would not let her get away with this travesty. He would take her life before she could transform.

He threw himself onto his knees and crawled towards her, his hands at her throat, determined to kill her before she could defy the fates that decided her destiny eons ago.

She screeched and squealed as death overtook her mortal body, rolling and thrashing around in the dirt as his fingers tightened around her neck.

“NO!” She shrieked, scrabbling to pull herself out from under him before he could take from her the life she had fought so hard to snatch from the grip of death. Her hands fell upon a branch, sharpened by the elements, and he felt the pain searing his chest before he it dawned on him what she had done.

He looked down to see the branch embedded deep into his heart and gasped, “You bitch” before he turned to a dust that showered her body still convulsing in its last fatal throes. Pain raged through her, pain such as she had never known, her body quivering with exquisite, tortured agony, and she laughed uncontrollably in the midst of the sheer misery of it all, having finally beaten the fates at their own game.

The Hunted Part One

2006-04-13T13:29:00.000-07:00

He had been stalking her for nearly an hour through the cold moonlight. Surely she knew of his presence, yet instead of smelling fear in the frigid winter air he smelled excitement, which intrigued him. As of late the hunt had become boring and inane, far from the challenge he craved. Even the largest of men succumbed with little effort on his part, screaming like little girls as they floundered in his grip before they breathed their last. The thought of hunting prey worthy of his skill excited him and he yearned for the struggle that was sure to ensue. She was unlike any other woman, unlike any other human he had ever hunted. Though he followed closely behind her, so close that she could surely hear his footsteps as the gentle tread of death, she did not increase her pace, even seemed to encourage his deadly pursuit.

Her perfume teased his nose, a flowery scent that reminded him of the English countryside in the summers of the youth he had left behind centuries ago. The whispering wind caressed her hair, pulling the long, silky, auburn strands from the pins that contained them. As he continued to pursue her they beckoned to him coyly, dancing on the crisp air, emboldening him to move ever closer. She strolled through the lonely streets with a sensual confidence, a bold narcissistic insolence that both aroused and infuriated him. He longed to conquer her and bring her to her knees before him with tears in her eyes as she begged for her life. When he caught her, and he held no doubt as to that particular eventuality, he would luxuriate in the erotic satisfaction her screams for mercy would bring.

Shocked surprise abruptly pulled him from counting his chickens when she seemed to vanish before his eyes from the alleyway. Warily he crept towards where he had last seen her. She was nearby; he could still smell her perfume lingering in the frozen air along with the erotic, musky scent of her increased excitement. At first convinced that the luscious smell of her blood was warmly human he now wondered if he had not been mistaken.

“No, you were not mistaken. This body that contains me is mortal.” Her voice slithered into his ears, answering his unspoken question. What sort of witch was this?

He turned in a slow circle, reaching out with his preternatural senses to locate her in the shadowed darkness. The long ivory canines that were his greatest pride and sharpest weapon, his keen intellect being the only exception, glinted in the light of the streetlamps as he paced round.

“Who are you milady?” He whispered, his voice barely audible, even to his own ears. “What sort of mortal moves with the bold, graceful swiftness of the wolf and does not fear the monstrous creatures that skulk through the night?”

She chuckled softly. “I do not fear you because I know you.”

“My apologies milady, have we met before?” He paused his circling to bow deeply.

“We have yet to make acquaintances in this life, but I daresay I know you better than anyone.”

“How can that be if we have yet to meet?” He asked. Each time she responded her voice whispered to him from a different direction though no sound betrayed her movement, driving him to insanity.

“We have met more times than I can count, but not until the final act, always destined to meet when the curtain falls.”

She spoke in riddles that shouldn’t make sense but did and he heard himself speak. “Do you know what stalks you, what manner of death looms before you?” He recited the words to a script written at the time of creation, played out his role in this eternal production.

“I know full well the creature that hunts me, I feel your hunger as though it gnawed at my own belly, yet I stand before you with no terror in my eyes.” Sensing her behind him he turned to meet her velvet green eyes that stared into his soulless obsidian ones without faltering. She had spoken no lie; no hint of fear marred their luminous depths. She reached out to touch his cheek with hands bitten by the bitter winter wind.

“So cold, always so cold…” She murmured with the voice of one who longs for what she will never have yet is still doomed to pursue. “And empty, always so very empty.”

He wondered then if she weren’t a bit touched, for as she spoke her eyes glazed over and her spirit seemed to flounder in the painful memories of lives long forgotten. Her hand still mindlessly stroking his cheek she was momentarily suspended in a peculiar nonexistence. No longer part of the past that has jaded, the future unknown yet to reveal itself, but not present in this moment either, time ebbed and flowed around her, pulling her along with its current but leaving her unaffected by its decay.

Those eyes that did not see enveloped him and pulled him into her mental wanderings. The memories of hundreds, of thousands of lifetimes invaded his mind, smothering him with the pain of a soul cursed by the Fates to suffer, die, and be reborn into that suffering again and again with only one ephemeral moment of passion to bridge the gap between death and rebirth.

Now do you see? Her thoughts voiced themselves in his mind. It is like this every time. Living a life that is not your own until one day you remember the pain that has chased you through lifetimes uncountable, never allowing you peace. The circle closes with death only to birth a new life of suffering. That is my curse and you are the death that will begin the cycle anew.

Memories poured into his mind, revealing circumstances and events that manifested themselves over and over, varying in their nuances but always ending with the same beginning; maybe not here in this particular alley, nor in this particular city, but ever the same. The milieus adapted themselves to the perpetual evolution of civilization but were always permeated with the same sorrowful lament.

TBC.......

Tired

2006-03-21T10:33:00.000-08:00

I’m tired and I just want to close my eyes. I want to shut out the light and the noise. I want to stop fighting and let the blessed peace of slumber calm my weary mind. I want to wake up to joyful anticipation, not smothering, anxious helplessness. I want to run. I want to hide. I want to shut out the judgments, accusations, and the voices slithering through my head taunting me with whispers of horrors to come. I want to forget the past that broke me and ignore the path before me that is littered with obstacles and tribulation. I’m tired of suffering, tired of being refined in the white hot blaze of adversity. My spirit is weak and weary, can no longer bear the weight of this cross. SO FUCK OFF UNIVERSE I’M ON STRIKE!

HA! Weren't expecting that one were you?

Give in to the Dark Side of the Force

2006-03-09T08:30:00.000-08:00

Just thinking outside the box...

I believe in the Universal Balance, that every action must have an equal and opposite reaction in order to sustain the balance between good and evil. Evil is as necessary as good and fulfills a purpose of its own as deemed fit by the Divine Creator of this Universe. Do you accuse the lioness who hunts and devours her prey of being evil for fulfilling her purpose in life just because some die in the process? What if there is some kind of Karmic food chain? What if some of us have been put on this earth to ensure that every Karmic debt is paid? What if there are a few chosen ones entrusted with the duty of administering suffering where it is due in order that the law of Karma will prevail? Would that not be a necessary evil? Would that person not be doing the work of the Divine if she were to guarantee that those who lie, cheat, steal, rape, and murder reap what it is that they sow?

DISCLAIMER:These are nothing more than random thoughts that pop into and out of my head from time to time. I share them merely to illustrate the twisted depths of my psyche. These statements DO NOT in any way imply intent to follow through with them, so don't worry...yet.

P.S. Stay away from the river......

Goddess

2006-03-04T12:25:00.000-08:00

I need someone to prey upon, a weak and pliable soul that I can bend to my will to suit my fancy. A legion of admiring souls entranced by my unsurpassed beauty and utterly enamored of me, who will grovel before me and worship my greatness, the goddess within me. When I appear in all my glory you will be awaiting me in the shadows praying that at long last you will be the one I choose. Unable to escape my sensuous advances you, The Chosen, will ascend to the brink of rapture at the display of my unique exquisiteness. There is none like me: sensual, passionate, self-contained, bold, confident, in absolute control of myself and the world I possess. I am the center of my own universe and I expect all others to treat me as such. When I have finished my meal you will evaporate into the darkness of nonexistence dejectedly awaiting my return. Bow down before me and receive my magnificent attentions. Ignore me and face the fury contained within this magnificent body, or worse, my indifference to your wretched life. You will ultimately realize your mistake and inexorably return craving my attentions only to find me surrounded by those who adore me, unable to battle your way into my attendance. Those upon whom I bestow my kindness will be altered forever, never forgetting the wondrous experience that is me, always grateful for that which I have granted them. I soar through this world knowing that all eyes are upon me, all hearts secretly begging for a sign that I favorably acknowledge their presence in my world, every one of them fervently hoping that they will be the next one I desire. No matter how many times I overlook you and pass on to the next delectable delight your breath will cease and your heart will stop when my mystifying dark eyes descend upon you. Searching your heart and soul I see all that is contained within you despite your futile attempts to hide yourself from my penetrating stare. Caught in the aching fervor of my gaze you cannot help but reveal to me every one of your vulnerabilities, your most veiled fantasies. My fantasies interlace with yours for a moment in time, our thoughts becoming one as I seek to grant you that which you most desire in order to capture you and take you as my own. You are totally helpless before me, your soul melting into mine as you irrationally lead yourself to suppose that you have claimed me. When the dawn perforates your dazed illusions and you reach for the empty space I once occupied in your bed you will realize that you have only been one more insignificant soul in a string of conquests. I endeavor to vanquish and dispose of as many men infatuated with my sensuality as possible. A plethora of men previous to you have fallen before me on their knees demanding my interest and I have thoughtlessly cast them aside after I have pillaged their luscious bodies. What arrogance makes you believe that you will be any different than the many who have succumbed to my impervious charms? Your fruitless superciliousness merely adds to my mirth as I weave around you my noose of heartless treachery. Can you actually dupe yourself into believing that you can successfully stalk the hunter? Your conceit brings me indescribable gratification as I leisurely pull the cord ever tighter around your unsuspecting neck. Even as you thrash about for the oxygen necessary to sustain your life, I see your delusions of grandeur feverishly convincing your tormented ego that you are in control of me. Laughter bubbles inside of me as I witness your struggle for dominance over me. Never once do I fear you because I know that I am superior to you in every way. The Goddess created me to govern you because She recognized your inherent weakness, your inability to control yourself and those around you. The realization that wounds you most is that you never could be in command of us no matter how much you tried to induce us to believe otherwise. We were destined to rule you and that infuriates you. It’s no wonder that you spent millennia upon millennia attempting to convince us of our need to concede to your greater will. I hate to break it to you baby, but those days have ended, of which you are reluctantly aware as you impart your very essence to me. You know that your era of domination has met a nasty end when you appreciate the power I contain within me, the power that all women possess, though many of them do not yet realize it. I partake of the Goddess and utilize her strength and wisdom to expropriate what was preordained to be mine. Though you envision that you are the only one to appropriate the pleasures I have within my power to confer, deep inside you realize, though you will never admit it to your fragile ego, you are but one of the many to surrender to my irresistible advances. Delude yourself my sweet if it brings you any semblance of comfort, though you are fully aware that the misapprehension is only momentary. After I have fleetingly fulfilled my unquenchable desires with your body I will move on to the next hapless victim as you view with unbelieving eyes my ascendancy over another witless mortal. The jealousy that arises within you at this display of my prowess is surmounted only by the appreciation that you experience when you realize just how fortunate you are that I chose you as my latest fascination. Don’t believe for even a moment that my preference had anything at all do to with your importance as a man. It is due only to my passing fancy that I selected you. Yes, you may be appealing but there are countless others that are just as appealing. You only happened to the most convenient to me at the time. As I saunter through this world I seek those whom are the most accessible to me. After all, why would I engage any effort to acquire one of you when there are so many others who would eagerly throw themselves at my feet? Chasing someone such as you is only a waste of my energy. Instead I will patiently await the others who desire my affections more than those of anyone else available to them. There is nothing and no one that can compare to me and I am just as aware of that as you are, a reality that brings me unspeakable delight as I cruelly abandon you to move onto the next to be chosen.

Wicked Intent

2006-03-01T08:53:00.000-08:00

As I hungrily embrace you, feeling your muscular arms encircle me, I whisper words of love and passion into your ear, witnessing the cold triumph in your eyes. I know that you thoroughly enjoy the power you envision you hold over me. As I flatter you, your enormous ego enthusiastically devours each disingenuous word and you assume that you have made me yours, never considering that the power you wield over me is only that which I allow you to borrow momentarily. Leading you along a trail of lies and manipulations you are completely at my mercy, though you do not yet realize it, will not realize it until I deem it time to reveal to you the cruelty of my malice.

I know exactly how to build you up, cause you to believe that I am hopelessly in love with you. I let you believe that I need you, that I want you like no other man, that only you can quench this raging inferno within me. You stupidly believe that I have been vigilantly guarding my precious virtue these many years so that when I meekly succumb to your advances you will feel as though you have conquered me body and soul. What you do not know, never pause to ponder for even a moment is that the path winding behind me is littered with the wretched souls that once naively believed the same seductive deceptions you so willingly accept as truth. The falsehoods that so easily spring forth from my lips have been painstakingly crafted over time, practiced and refined with each successive conquest. After years of being the conquered do you not think I would have learned to conquer? Yet that thought does not once flitter through your narrow mind because you believe that you are impenetrable, invincible.

Though your ego stubbornly refuses to accept it, you have suddenly become more vulnerable than you could have ever imagined. I hold mastery over my sexuality, know how to employ it to tease you, tantalize you, and exploit you. The adoration you see gleaming in my eyes of night obscures the demons lurking within me and lures you to me against your will. The animalistic craving that emanates from my body is the urgent need that my soul possesses to dominate, subjugate, and control.

I watch as your defenses drop before me one by one, see that you are totally enamored of me. Stunned by the beauty and the untamed sensuality that you have fooled yourself into believing
you have awoken within me, you have willingly blinded yourself to my true objective. Never think that my intent is to bring you a scrap of pleasure, though I know that you will, but realize instead that it is only to satiate my ravenous desire. Giving you what you want so that I can break into the soul that you have unknowingly laid bare before me, I ruthlessly seize a piece of it. Always know that you are nothing more than a trophy to me, merely a prize that I covet. I will win. I always succeed. You will wonder why I was able to overcome you for the remainder of your deplorable life but you will never find the revelation that you desperately seek. You will never comprehend the shrewd intelligence I possess, my ability to command and utilize this body’s irrepressible desires to my advantage, and the wanton wickedness lurking beneath this façade of fragility. Never will you understand how I was able to take your game and twist it to turn it against you. All that will be left within you is the shame and humiliation that pierces your heart each time you recall my mesmerizing black eyes and the way they ensnared you completely, offering no chance of escape.

Funny Bumper Stickers

2006-02-20T08:17:00.000-08:00

Somewhere in Texas a village is missing its idiot

Knowledge is power.
Power corrupts.
Study hard. Be evil.

Jesus loves you!
Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole!

The only Bush I trust is my own.

What do you do when you see your husband crawling around the backyard?
Shoot him again!

I still miss my ex…but my aim is getting better!

So many men. So few who deserve me.

Hey Bitch, how can God be your copilot when Satan’s at the wheel?

If God is your copilot jump ship!

My kid buys weed from your honor student.

I would have sold my soul to Jesus but Satan was paying more.

Your honor student is in my trunk.

United We Stand
In line for a job.

Orwell missed it by 20 years.

Liberty and Justice for All
Some restrictions apply. See Patriot Act for details.

Who would Jesus bomb?

A terrorist is the product of Christian Fundamentalism.

Bite me George.

George Bush eats kittens.
Please…save a kitten, impeach Bush now

Jesus, save me from your followers!

There’s a sucker born again every minute

Jesus is cool:
He’s born I get presents
He dies I get candy

I found Jesus
Do you guys think you could quit losing him?

Never knock on Death’s door
Ring the bell and run…he really hates that.

Curiosity killed the cat but for a while I was the suspect.

America is one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.

Jesus loves me…but he can’t stand you.

I found Jesus.
Have you seen my car keys?

What if the Hokey Pokey
IS what it’s all about?

Sex

2006-02-16T12:10:00.000-08:00

Random Sex Facts

An adulterous Greek male was sometimes punished by the removal of his pubic hair and the insertion of a large radish into his rectum.

The word "gymnasium" comes from the Greek word gymnazein which means "to exercise naked."

Male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of any mammal.

Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than valium!

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

Donald Duck comics were once banned from Finland because Donald doesn't wear pants.

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

A man's beard grows fastest when he anticipates sex.

The Other Side

2006-02-14T12:14:00.000-08:00

And so you call me a terrorist
While you look down your gun
When I think of all the deeds that you have done,
You have plundered many nations
Divided many lands
You have terrorized their people
You ruled with an iron hand.
And you brought this reign of terror to my land.
Through those many months internment in the Maze
I thought about my land throughout those days
Why my country was divided
Why I was now in jail
Imprisoned without cause or without trial.
And although I love my countryI am not a bitter man
I have seen cruelty and injustice first hand.
Then one fateful morning I shook bold freedom's hand
For right or wrong I tried to free my land.

These lyrics are from a song titled 'Joe McDonnell' and they refer to the Irish/British conflict. However, I don't think it's that much of a stretch to apply them to the United States' war against Iraq. What would you do if someone invaded the U.S. to oust Bush? Think about it: Regardless of your political beliefs would you welcome an invading country with open arms?

Maybe the Spiders Know

2006-02-04T05:58:00.000-08:00

Fightin’ it I am,
this thing eatin' away at me,
this thing that don’t exist.
It’s hard to be fightin’ somethin’ that don’t exist,
you know.
Alone in this empty house
covered with the dust
and the spiders
spin, spin, spinnin’ their webs.
I talk to ‘em you know,
those spiders,
makin’ me dizzy with all that spinnin’.
Ask ‘em if I’m crazy, I do.
Ask ‘em if they can see those people that ain’t here.
I can’t see ‘em you know,
those people,
but they promise me they’s here,
so I ask the spiders,
with all their eyes,
but they don’t answer me, no they don’t.
They just spin and spin,
makin’ me dizzy with all that spinnin’ they are.
All those eyes seein’ through me as they spin,
makin' me wonder if I’m even here,
makin’ me think that maybe,
like this thing eatin’ at me from the inside,
I don’t exist either.

A Day in the Life of Lou

2006-01-27T14:17:00.000-08:00

I was bored and wrote a story. Here it is...

“What’s up dude?” A man, tall and blond, in a black Armani suit sat down on the bench next to Lou, who continued his intent people watching, barely acknowledging his peer. Lou always had been the strong, silent type.

“Oh, hey man.”

“Dude, what’s with you? You look like your best friend just found Jesus. What, you didn’t close the Henderson deal?”

“No,” Lou sighed. “I closed it. And the Morley deal, the Harrison deal, as well as the Smith-Jones takeover.”

“Fuck, what the hell are you sittin’ here cryin’ about? You should be out celebrating. Hey, let’s hit Hooters and have a few drinks!”

“Nah, I’m not in the mood man.” He remarked dejectedly and fell back against the bench, his feet splayed out on the pavement beneath him in six hundred dollar loafers.

“Man, what is with you?”

“It’s just too damn easy.”

“What’s too easy?”

“Closing the deal. It’s like, the slightest push in the right direction, everything neatly falls into place and the deal is over before you know it.”

“And how’s that a bad thing? Look at you man, you’re doing great. Pimpin’ clothes, big house in the burbs, a wife, some spawn, a pool in the backyard. What more can you want?”

“Dude, get out of my fuckin’ way, will ya? Jaysus!” Both men looked up as a football player rudely pushed a tall, geeky teen out of the way. The youth stumbled and dropped his stack of books, his cheeks flaming.

“It’s just too easy. There’s no morality in this business anymore.”

“You, bemoaning the lack of morality. When has there ever been morality in this line of work? Hey, remember the Garrison deal? Talk about a slam dunk! And in record time even!”

“That’s what I’m talking about. What happened to the fight, the guilt, the internal struggle with the conscience? Garrison didn’t waste time with a second’s guilt when he laid off all those people right before Christmas. Where’s the decency? How is that any fun?”

“Ensuring that thousands of people were laid off right before Christmas wasn’t enough fun for you?”

“You my friend,” Lou remarked with a condescending wave of his hand, “have no imagination. The fun is in the torment, the agonizing, the excruciatingly sumptuous guilt that rents their soul in two as they finally succumb to their selfish desires.”

“Mom! He tripped me!” A girl cried indignantly, pointing at her older brother as they passed by the pair on the bench.

“Well, you pick easy targets.” Don replied, gesturing towards the people passing by. “People already halfway to where you’re trying to lead them. You talk about having no imagination, where’s yours man?”

Lou fell silent, considering Don’s words. Both men watched as a pickpocket wandered past them, sticky fingers accumulating new treasures by the second.

“I mean, that’s exactly my point. The last three, how was there potential for any kind of challenge with any of them? The jock, that was nothing more than triggering natural Darwinian instinct. Same thing with the brats. And the pickpocket, you didn’t convince him to do anything he hasn’t already done a million times.”

“But everyone has their weakness, it’s always just a matter of uncovering what already lurks just beneath the surface.”

“Yes, but some people are easier to uncover than others. Stop going for the surface fish man, dive down to the ones whose desires have yet to see the light of day. Look for the tormented souls, the ones that agonize over their deranged desires. That’s where the fun is."

“You think I haven’t thought of that? Believe me, it doesn’t matter if you’re talkin’ a nun or a rapist, if you get ‘em in the right spot they fall like dominos.”

“Well man, I don’t know what to tell ya. Maybe you’re just too damn good at what you do.”

“Maybe.”

“Hey, wanna get some Subway?”

“Sure, why not?” Lou remarked with utter dejection as both men disappeared in a flash of orange flames and smoke.

In The Name Of god

2006-01-20T16:55:00.000-08:00

An Apocalyptic battle, a Holy War waged
against the very minions of Satan
that’s what the Jesus Freaks say.

Whispers of murder, atrocities committed
in the name of a god that’s untrue
while the preacher man screams
“Jesus hates fags! Send all those bastards to Hell!”

Counting their riches, the gas prices soar
our soldiers they’re killing, the masses to ignore
a mission unaccomplished, the rights that they’ve denied
to ‘traitors’ denouncing conquest and a country occupied.

Blinded by faith, the stupid sheep follow
their messiah sent to conquer and kill,
a trail of blood leading to oil,
as all sing praises to the Lord God of Israel.

Release Me

2006-01-17T11:08:00.000-08:00

Touch me; caress this body that has become cold and rigid. Remind me of what has long been forgotten, what it is like to experience pleasure, utter and absolute ecstasy. Show me that I can feel once again, that I have the ability to let go, to intertwine my soul with another’s, if even for a moment in time. Emotions that I long ago forced into the frigid recesses of my soul must be released or remain buried forever. Delve deeply, tenderly within me; help me to understand that one must break through the prison walls to gain blessed freedom. Do not let the fear, the anger, and the rage cause you to hesitate; for once you triumph over them you will find profound tenderness and unsurpassed passion dying beneath. Within its cold, hard, black shield my heart is beating faintly, is faltering, will cease to beat altogether if you do not help me to destroy that which imprisons it. Though the blood inside has chilled, grown sluggish, it is not too late to suffuse warmth back into my being. Over time I became strong, too strong, until I was unable to reveal the slightest weakness to any man, unable to allow any one of them to see beneath the façade I so meticulously constructed around my soul. Now I am trapped within that very façade my bleeding soul built to protect me from hurt and harm. All traces of feeling were banished from within me many lifetimes ago until not even the numbness could survive in the bleakness contained within me. Now bitter emptiness is all that remains. Even as these words descend upon the paper I feel nothing. They are mere facts, occurrences forced into motion without my knowledge or conscious will. There is no regret, no sadness, not even anger at the unfairness and injustice of it all. It just is. Emptiness is all there is. Yet in it’s own way the emptiness, the emotional nonexistence, offers comfort; lulls me into a complacent slumber that erases from memory all of the pain that was horribly inflicted upon me eons ago. I am now above the triviality of emotions, allowing no opportunity for hurt to befall me, and perversely, there is pride in that. The knowledge that I have exacted such control over that which was heretofore erratic, volatile, and completely uncontrollable births self-confidence within me, something never before experienced in my realm of existence. The fact that I do not feel endows me with a certain power, a sense of control that I am able to exert over others. It gives me the ability to carelessly manipulate their feelings with impunity. Feigning sentiment I do not feel in order to draw men into my web of seduction and destruction I force them to expose their weakness that I may exploit it, toy with them, exact my revenge for all the wrongs committed against me and those of my gender. As I give myself to you, know that this fortress is impenetrable. Though I led you to believe that I desperately long for you to release me, I have no intention of leaving the safety of this haven. This stronghold that was imposed upon me has become my home, not my prison as I so lead you to suppose. Though you do not yet know it, I am a force to be reckoned with, a goddess in my own right clothed in the glory of all of womankind. Neither evil nor good, merely an instrument of the universe carefully fashioned to unleash the seething anger and rage that has lain frustrated and impotent within generations upon generations of women since the dawning of the ages.

A Present for You...

2006-01-16T04:43:00.000-08:00

It's a gAzoo!

Funny Stuff

2006-01-15T10:19:00.000-08:00

'People like you are the reason people like me need medication.'

'I have animal magnetism. When I go outside squirrels stick to my clothes.'

'You're not an idiot, you just play one in real life.'

'I used to have superpowers but my therapist took them away.'

'Your shirt says princess but your face says troll.'

'This is the part where I nod and pretend I'm listening.'

'The last thing I want to do is kill you, but it's still on the list.'

'School prepares you for the real world. Which also sucks.'

On a T-shirt covered with red blotches:'Don't worry, it's not my blood.'

2006-01-13T11:20:00.000-08:00

Both Wiccans/Witches and Buddhists believe in the idea of Karma to some extent. This means that what you put into the Universe will come back to bite you in the ass eventually--three times worse than what you inflicted--even if you're dishing it out to someone who REALLY deserves it and needs to be taught a Karmic Lesson. Why is it that people insist that the Law of Threefold always applies? Shouldn't there be a loophole in there somewhere? I mean, doesn't it make sense that there would be a Karmic Food Chain where someone who has been screwed over in the past would have the privilige of ensuring that someone who is in the habit of screwing people over now is smacked upside the head with their well-deserved Karmic payback without being bit in the ass by the Law of Threefold? Karma has to come back at these assholes somehow, what better way than to allow someone who has been harmed by such behavior be that Karmic Vehicle? It seems to me that not only is Karma served in that way, but Justice as well. Just a thought.

A Very Important Study

2006-01-11T10:12:00.000-08:00

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire. Further studies are expected.

Hehehehe

I'm Bored!

2006-01-10T11:38:00.000-08:00

I Believe...

...Eve was framed

...Mary Magdalene is the Holy Grail

...in Geoff, the God of Biscuits

...every woman NEEDS a Rabbit!

...pissing people off can be fun

...you should NOT piss off the fairies

...Satan lives in my closet

...Humpty Dumpty was pushed

...the grass is always greener somewhere over the rainbow

...plants are people too

...in being spanked

...there's no such thing as too much masturbation

...Elvis is alive and well and working at the Denny's on Third

...in letting the demons loose every now and again

...in MIRABLES! (No, it's not a typo)

...you can never scare enough strangers

…testosterone inhibits intelligence

…having a dick is over rated

…George W. Bush has the IQ of a dung beetle

…everyone can attain enlightenment

…my children will change the world

…intelligence is sexy

…evil, like beauty, is subjective

…in mercy killing

…Bush could have prevented 9/11

…in chivalry

…in the Dark Goddess

…every woman should have a naked hottie feeding her grapes

…sex is a blessing, not a sin

…Bush is a Fascist

…sexual experimentation is good

…Christians stole most of their shit from the Pagans

…you can’t legislate morality

…in supporting our troops…with sexual favors

…that you need to have at least one friend as crazy as you are

…in random acts of stupidity

…Jesus was a Buddhist

…that men need women but women don’t need men

…in running naked in the light of the full moon

…in always having extra batteries

…in denying reality

2006-01-09T09:55:00.000-08:00

Hehehehehehehehehehe

Masturbate For Peace

Sex Quotes

2006-01-08T13:19:00.000-08:00

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any. --Unknown

Sex is like snow, you never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last. --Unknown

Having sex is like playing bridge.
If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. --Woody Allen

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. --Rodney Dangerfield

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. -- Robin Williams

And, it's not about sex, but it's still damn funny...

Hockey is a sport for white men.Basketball is a sport for black men.Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. --Tiger Woods

For Shits and Giggles

2006-01-08T12:23:00.000-08:00

These are some FUNNY bumper stickers:

Somewhere in Texas a village is missing its idiot

Knowledge is power.
Power corrupts.
Study hard.
Be evil.

Jesus loves you!
Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole!

The only Bush I trust is my own.

What do you do when you see your husband crawling around the backyard?
Shoot him again!

I still miss my ex…but my aim is getting better!

So many men. So few who deserve me.

Hey Bitch, how can God be your copilot when Satan’s at the wheel?

If God is your copilot jump ship!

My kid buys weed from your honor student.

I would have sold my soul to Jesus but Satan was paying more.

Your honor student is in my trunk.

United We Stand
In line for a job.

Orwell missed it by 20 years.

Liberty and Justice for All
Some restrictions apply.
See Patriot Act for details.

Who would Jesus bomb?

A terrorist is the product of Christian Fundamentalism.

Bite me George.

George Bush eats kittens.
Please…save a kitten, impeach Bush now

Jesus, save me from your followers!

There’s a sucker born again every minute

Jesus is cool:
He’s born I get presents
He dies I get candy

I found Jesus
Do you guys think you could quit losing him?

Never knock on Death’s door
Ring the bell and run…he really hates that.

Curiosity killed the cat but for a while I was the suspect.

America is one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.

Jesus loves me…but he can’t stand you.

I found Jesus.
Have you seen my car keys?

What if the Hokey PokeyIS what it’s all about?

Hidden Inside

2006-01-06T12:17:00.000-08:00

Boiling in this mind, these thoughts a deafening roar
Memories, fears, insecurity, hatred and rages galore
Crashing against my skull, an assault that will not cease
Pushing me over the edge, never a moments peace
Cursed to endure this agony that’s meant to be a life
A life composed of nothing but suffering and strife
A soul filled with emptiness, nothing left to give
Wishing I could die but for them I have to live
Won’t leave them behind, make them suffer my fate
Forced to go on, withered heart blackened with hate
For those who do nothing, nothing but accuse and blame
Ignoring their own foibles, drowning me in shame
Pain a constant companion, this body can’t endure
This thing that lives inside for which there is no cure
Pretend it isn’t here for those who don’t believe
Judgment in their eyes from which there’s no reprieve
At the end of every endless day fall into my bed
Looking towards the morning filled with only dread
Responsibilities I can’t fulfill haunt my weary mind
Those who will not understand say I’m being refined
Never could they know the pain I must withstand
How hard it is to perform the things that they demand
The hope that once carried me on perished long ago
A secret taken to my grave that no one will ever know.

Too Perfect?

2006-01-05T08:19:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder if I’m cut out for this, the life of a military ‘wife.’ For the most part, as far as people go, I’m better prepared for it than most. I value my time alone and I’m not generally needy, or clingy, as some people can be, so I can stand the being separated part. I have a harder time with the communication aspect of it; I don’t like not knowing why he isn’t calling as much as I don’t like him not calling. But, as far as difficulties go, every relationship has them, and, like I said, I think I’m pretty well equipped for this whole thing. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t have my doubts at times.

Like now. I had a dream last night about a man. No one I know, I don’t even remember what he looked like in my dream, but I do remember how I felt about him. I loved him fiercely and he loved me and it made me realize how much I miss feeling loved and cherished. The love of my life loves me that way, with a love untainted by unhealthy attachment and obsession, and I love him the same way. I’ll even dare to say that our love is as near to perfect as it can get; I’ve never known such a pure, unselfish love in all my life. But he’s been gone for so long and we talk so little, and I miss feeling that love. And I’m having my doubts if it still even exists, at least on his end of things. But, then maybe I’m deluding myself and I’ve idealized our love with rose colored memories of a too perfect love.

Don’t get me wrong, we had our problems before he left, but even the problems we had fit so well with the lessons I need to learn in this lifetime that it made me think that even in our imperfections we were perfect for each other. I really, truly believed he was my soul mate.But what if this is all some elaborate fantasy I’ve been able to concoct through the passage of time? Time warps all things, even memories and maybe he isn’t the person I’ve idealized him to be. There are many reasons to doubt his veracity, reasons I won’t get into because there are just as many valid reasons to believe in him, and it all comes down to whether or not I’m a good judge of character. He’s either the wonderful person I believe him to be or he’s the world’s best actor and a superlative liar and I was too blind to know the difference. But I think I’ve come to the place where I’m a pretty good judge of character, and better equipped to cultivate a healthy relationship.

So, where does that leave me with regards to my original question: Am I cut out for this? I think I am, and I think my fear isn’t whether or not I can do this, but whether or not he’s worthy of my love and trust. If he is, then I will wait until the end of the earth for him to return, and if he’s not, well, I just pray that the Universe exposes his true nature to me soon so I don’t waste my time with him. I’m not getting any younger and I won’t waste my time with anyone who can’t give me what I’ve finally realized I deserve.

Wondering

2006-01-03T07:12:00.000-08:00

The lonliness is new. I never used to get lonely, always enjoyed the quiet stillness of solitude. I still enjoy it, but the lonliness makes it bittersweet. Makes me wonder when he'll come home. If he'll come home. I waited my entire life to meet him and then *poof* He's off to war at the whim of a man who stubbornly lives his own reality, a reality devoid of things like compassion and common sense, and forces all others to suffer for it.

We talked of getting married and I fear I will lose him before I can become his wife. He's safe for now, but that is only momentary, any second he could be thrust into battle, our life together over before it ever started.

I miss him so much sometimes my heart aches with the wanting. I miss his touch, his scent, the sound of him snoring next to me in bed, as I lay entwined in his arms, feeling safe and cherished.

The worst part is the not being able to communicate. When he was first deployed he spent most of the day in front of the computer and he would send me the sweetest, most romantic emails. And plenty of dirty ones permeated with his lust for me. But now weeks go by without a sign of him and always I wonder, is he safe? Is he here in the states, or has he finally been thrust into this war that never should have been? Has he decided our love is not strong enough to survive this endless time apart? Has he been faithful to me? Questions and fears swirling through my mind as I try to douse them with faith in the Goddess, faith in the inherent goodness of the Universe, faith in our love but the more time that passes without word, the more the fears and questions swell and grow, smothering me at times.

I just want to talk to him. I just want to know he's okay. I just want to hear him say, "I love you."